What it’s like to be the black girl who is always called white

“you’re so white!”

yeah, you’re black but I mean come on, you’re white”

“you talk so white”

“why do you talk white? try talking like this”

“you talk very proper, like a white girl”

White.

What the hell is that?

I know it’s a race but how can someone act a race, or talk a color. I just don’t get it. I grew up in a part of Georgia where it is predominately white and because I wasn’t too fond of hanging with the black kids, I hung out with the white kids. This has nothing to do with how I was raised and has everything to do with how they were raised. Most black people are raised on soul food and cuss words. I too, was raised on soul food not so much the cuss words but you get the point. I was raised to be polite, to carry myself with respect, and to mind my manners. I’m not saying all black people grow up in bad neighborhoods and aren’t taught to be polite but thats the way they were acting. They were really mean and they all got off on ‘roasting’ each other. I am not about that. If I’m going to have friends I want them to respect me and be nice. The white people did this. So I continued to hang out with them. I really saw no problem with this.

In my eyes, they were my friends. They weren’t my white friends or anything like that. I had many different friends growing up though, they weren’t all white. I had a few black friends, a few hispanic friends, and even a friend from Kosova.

I do talk very proper and that is because of where I grew up. It has nothing to do with the color of my skin. I am really sick of people saying I talk white, like white people are the only people who can have proper english. That is not true! I know many black people who speak the way I do. Why would I want to sound uneducated when I am? When you speak like you don’t know how to people do not respect you as much as if you just spoke proper. That is my main reason for speaking proper.

“you’re black, but you’re white.”

That right there really makes me so mad. I am black. I am just as black as any other black person. I am not white nor do I really want to be white. I love being black. The crazy thing about this statement is that it has come from many of my best friends, of all races. I do a lot of things that white people do, but that doesn’t make me white. When they say this is makes me feel like my blackness isn’t even there. Like it doesn’t even matter that the color of my skin is black, or that to any racist person, I’m still back, or that my ancestors worked out in the cotton fields. I’m sure that isn’t what they mean but I don’t go around calling them races they aren’t. They wouldn’t like that very much.

When I was growing up, people would joke about black people and stuff and I didn’t laugh but I didn’t make it known that that wasn’t okay. I didn’t let them know that making fun of them is indirectly making fun of me. They weren’t being racist, they were just generalizing all black people and then they would say “but not you Zaria, don’t worry” Well why shouldn’t I worry. Why should I not take offense to this just because you tell me not to.

Now this is not to knock white people. I absolutely love white people and for a really long time I didn’t see race. I didn’t see that I was different because we are all people.  But when I was younger I distinctly remember me saying that I wish I wasn’t any race. Now I just want to be black. I want to be black, and educated, and proper,and respected. I know that I can be all these things but I want to be all of them without the opinions of others.

There is nothing wrong with being black and I feel like in today’s society, being black is bad. Being black is not bad, it is beautiful. I try as best as I can to embrace who I am and what I am. I tell my white friends “I do a lot of things like you but I am still black.”

I love my friends, all of them and I don’t want them to take this the wrong way but don’t call me white and don’t say I talk white. I cannot talk and be something I am not. I’m tired of hearing it.

A good percentage of my family lives in New York. Because of this, we don’t speak the same and even they say I talk so white. Like I said before, are black people not allowed to speak in an educated way? They say this in almost every conversation. Like i get it, thats not how people here talk but it is how I talk because of where I grew up. To my family, I love y’all but I am just as black as you.

This post was really jumbled because there are so many thoughts flying around in my head but I just wanted to let people that I am black, and I am beautiful and I am a person. And i feel like we shouldn’t judge each other by race. Just love me and thats all I need you to do. I hope that you have a clearer view of who I am and who I am not. I am black. That is all for now. Remember to be happy.

Zaria 🙂

 

 

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