So looking at those picture you might think “wow Zaria you were so skinny” and yeah I really was but when I look at those pictures all I see is a young girl who starved herself for “perfection”and still hated herself anyways. I see a girl who had just gotten out of a really bad relationship that probably would have ended so much worse if she had stayed. I have a love hate relationship with those photos because I was so skinny and my body was so nice but I was very unhappy. During my sophomore year of high school I lost a significant amount of weight and still felt like it wasn’t enough. You grow up in this town with all these pretty little skinny girls and thats what you want to be, pretty and skinny. I started dated this boy who wasn’t good for me and I thought I needed to be pretty and skinny, for him, of all people. Not for myself but for him. This is the reality for so many girls in all parts of the world. You need to be skinny to be pretty and you need to wear a size 3 jeans but what they don’t tell you is that all of that is unrealistic. Even though I weighed 125 pounds I still didn’t fit into those size 3 jeans. So imagine if I tried to lose more weight to fit into size 3 jeans. I would be non-existent. I hated so many parts of myself for reasons I couldn’t even explain to you anymore because all of the things I used to hate about myself, I now love. I love that I am not skin and bones and can still rock a crop top. I love that in the summer, regardless of my thick thighs, I strut around in shorts and a bikini. (and yes, thick thighs do save lives, if you were wondering) Now I’m not knocking those of you who are naturally skinny because your body is beautiful too. Im just letting y’all know that even though I have a few rolls, my body is beautiful as well and I am so happy to be able to love my body. I can’t even begin to explain the feeling when I finally began to love myself. When I finally realized that I look damn good. I am so happy with who I am and the way I look. Although you may hear me say that I need to lose a little weight sometimes, know that that is no longer to be skinny, it’s to be healthy. I can’t even imagine hating my body anymore because this body lets me do amazing things. I don’t have a six pack and I don’t really have much muscle but I am happy with the way I look and isn’t that the bottom line? Isn’t that what we should strive for, to be happy with the way we look? The pictures underneath this post are pictures of what I look like now. I am healthy and I am happy. I really can’t give all the credit to myself for getting to this point because I have some really amazing friends who pulled me from a dark, hateful place. My friends have never made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I also have God to thank because without Him I honestly have no idea where I would be.I had no idea of the true love of God until I started trusting in his plan for my life. I grew closer to Him during this time because I needed something greater than myself to heal the hurt I was feeling and I’m really glad I did.
A few verses that helped me then and still continue to help me are Romans 8:18 which says “The pain that you have been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming.”, Ephesians 2:19-22 which says “Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.”, and Proverbs 3:5-6 which says “Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.” I am immensely grateful for the love of God and that he has never left me. I am also so grateful for all of the blessings he has bestowed upon my life.
I am no longer sad. I no longer hate myself for things I can’t control and I no longer feel the need to be “skinny and pretty”. I am in love with every part of myself and I hope that you are too. What I really want for you all, is for you to be happy with who you are and with how you look. Don’t strive to be what other people want you to be because if you are happy with yourself no one can really tell you anything. Be happy. In every aspect of your life, be happy.